I only think about you when it's raining or it's not

I lost my best friend of 3 years my Jr. Year of high school. She got a boyfriend and started acting really strange. Well that was when I met Jared. He saved my life. I had so many struggles that I wouldn’t have made it through without him. Instead of just helping me get through my problems he helped me be stronger. He taught me so much. He saved me at a time when I thought my world would fall apart because my best friend hated me. He filled that hole and became so much more to me than anyone else ever had.

Well now he is gone. I have lost my best friend once again. I have pushed another person to the limit and I don’t even know what it is that I do. So what now? Before there was a hole that needed to be filled, this hole can’t be. There is no hope of having someone else come and make everything all better. In everything that I see, hear, and think there is a memory of him. I can’t help but talk about him. He was my life for 3 years. (What is it with 3 years?) My life was planed around him. And now that is all gone. I still can’t help but slip into old daydreams of him.
The other day it rained and all I could think about was how he used to dance in the rain with me. What do I do? I have wonderful roommates that are helping me get through, but there is still that hole that can never be filled. And maybe that’s ok. I never want to forget the fun that we had and the learning and growing that I did. Maybe I will just have to carry this scar on my heart as a reminder of how wonderful things can be. And maybe, if I’m lucky, I will get to feel that again someday.