Wednesday, March 4, 2009

Gardetto's, afghans, and mean girls...


I have decided that I need to be better about blogging. I know that it seems silly to make a goal about blogging when I really should be making goal about practicing voice or something, but hey, I’m crazy and in college and I can do whatever I want. And I want this to be more than just a place where I come and vent when things are weird or just not going my way (which is what it has been up till now if you hadn’t noticed). I felt ok with being that way because Lizzy was the only one who ever read it. Well now I am having other friends find out about it and I think that my parents know now… so I have to be on my best behavior. ;)

So here is my story: I am sitting at work eating Gardetto’s and crocheting an afghan while watching movies online. (and yes it took me a long time to figure out how to spell crochet properly) Other than that my life is pretty uninteresting at this moment in time. I have spent part of my day talking to some girls who hurt my sister today at school (emotionally not physically) and that was lots of fun. I don’t like it when there are girls who will hurt their friends and then just don’t care! One of her friends felt really bad and the other was really mean about the whole thing. I know that I probably shouldn’t have gotten involved… but they were telling my little sister that she laughed too much!! I mean really!!! What does that mean? “We are having an intervention because you are just too happy.” I was kind of mad. So although I never seem to stand up for myself I had to stand up for my little sister who had been hurt by her friends (or for some of them “so called friends”). I wasn’t too mean I promise. Girls can just be so cruel sometimes!

Let’s take that and run with it: It is so strange how sometimes girls can be such witches and other times they are the most loving and wonderful people. I mean my mother is so wonderful and she is a girl. Then there are the girls at school that love making everyone around them feel small and insignificant. Isn’t the nature of women supposed to be loving and kind? We are supposed to be the compassionate and nurturing sex! What happened? Maybe it is just that the nice girls are quieter and so they don’t get noticed as much as the girls that are really mean. Or maybe they just aren’t as memorable. Whatever the reason girls are starting to get a bad name and I think that it needs to be fixed.

Well I am very sorry to anyone who actually read all of this pointlessness. Have a great day! (See I’m nice…)

Monday, March 2, 2009

Letting people in

Letting people in

Everyday we interact with any number of people. Everything from passing someone in the aisle at the grocery store to having to met with a teach about a paper you wrote. So why is it that after 20 years of interaction I still have trouble? I don’t know how to open myself up to someone new even when I want to. I want to make new friends and let them see who I really am. I have put on a mask for the world almost everyday, and now I don’t know how to take it off. I have noticed lately that I am one person outside my door and a completely different one in my apartment with the door closed. I am learning to be a better person who is more in control and yet I can’t seem to get to the point where I can let people see that. All they see is the quite reserved girl who can’t seem to keep up a conversation for more then 5 minutes or the one who is trying to hard to seem happy and normal that she just comes off as odd. I just want to be me and to feel comfortable and happy with that.

I am a very complicated person. I love to play but I also love to just sit and be quite. I love having time to just be. I love talking and not having to feel like there are things that I should talk about and things that I shouldn't. I don't like that there is a side of me that I'm scared for the world to see because I'm so sure that they will judge me for it. I have been so blessed with roommates who love me, take care of me, and except me for who I am. They have been so good to me but they won't be able to stay with me and take care of me forever.

Long story short, I have a lot of work to do.