Letting people in
Everyday we interact with any number of people. Everything from passing someone in the aisle at the grocery store to having to met with a teach about a paper you wrote. So why is it that after 20 years of interaction I still have trouble? I don’t know how to open myself up to someone new even when I want to. I want to make new friends and let them see who I really am. I have put on a mask for the world almost everyday, and now I don’t know how to take it off. I have noticed lately that I am one person outside my door and a completely different one in my apartment with the door closed. I am learning to be a better person who is more in control and yet I can’t seem to get to the point where I can let people see that. All they see is the quite reserved girl who can’t seem to keep up a conversation for more then 5 minutes or the one who is trying to hard to seem happy and normal that she just comes off as odd. I just want to be me and to feel comfortable and happy with that.
I am a very complicated person. I love to play but I also love to just sit and be quite. I love having time to just be. I love talking and not having to feel like there are things that I should talk about and things that I shouldn't. I don't like that there is a side of me that I'm scared for the world to see because I'm so sure that they will judge me for it. I have been so blessed with roommates who love me, take care of me, and except me for who I am. They have been so good to me but they won't be able to stay with me and take care of me forever.
Long story short, I have a lot of work to do.
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1 comment:
melissa, we all have a lot of work to do. you have your challenges, as do i. i think we have more in common than you think, although our challenges are different. sometimes i'm sure we both feel like they are insurmountable, but i am learning to have a greater hope that they are not. i hope that you can have that hope too. my favourite chapter in the BoM is Alma 26, mostly at the end, because every time i read that my testimony is renewed that god loves me. for some reason, he loves me. and he always will. its something i dont really understand, but i LOVE that scripture and it gives me a lot of hope.
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